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Blocs for All

Protests have become increasingly boring in recent years. Property damage and violence which reads like a tired script, not to mention the monotonous chants, and cliches on sticks.

For those who yawn every time they see yet another Black Bloc, the Deconstructionist Institute for Surreal Topology presents this brief list of alternatives, to help spark discussion and inject a bit of creativity and derisive laughter into the mix.

Medieval Bloc: Who wants to see abunch of punks ripping down a fence. If the MAN is gonna turn the summit into a fortress, the Medieval Bloc will lay siege with gusto. Beautiful battering rams, ladders, siege towers, Trojan Donuts, catapults, and dead cows infected with the plague. Swords, shields, and funny hats with horns.... Just watch out for those cauldrons of hot oil.

Circus Cluster: What's a Carnivalagainst Capitalism without clowns? A tiny car drives up to the perimeter, and stops. A bunch of clowns emerge -- one for each world leader. The Amazing Human Cannonball is fired into the perimeter and miraculously lands, unharmed. A bloc of stilt walkers step gingerly over the wall, while the fire-jugglers distract the riot troops. Trampolines, tight ropes and unicycles come in handy, and the Figbash Acrobat works the high-top. Victory will go to those with the biggest shoes.

Country Club Cluster: Throwingbottles and rocks over a fence? Ugh. The Association of Anarchist Golfers are very well dressed, in baggy pants, long socks, and colourful shirts. Damn those golf balls go far! The Bjorn Borg Bloc play a bit of tennis, and the Badminton Bloc hit their cocks to the crowds delight. The Squash Bloc's protective eye glasses are a handy item.

Bloc Parents: The Bloc Parents thinkit's great that their kids are trying to change the world. Sure, they'll grow out of it, but for now, all the power to them. Bloc Parents can be found amongst the Middle Aged Bloc (not to be confused with the Medieval Bloc). They offer to follow any group of younger, more agile protesters over, under or through the fence (you first!), confound the cops by peering at them through bifocals, scold misbehaving protesters, snap their knee braces in a menacing (although essentially non-violent) manner, and pass around bottles of Ibuprofen.

Mascot Bloc: Ten people dressed up astheir favorite mascot. Thick fur provides great protection. Traumatize children with images of Mickey Mouse getting truncheoned and kicked by riot police.

Gary Coleman Bloc: Thirty tinyblack kids with afros continually approach riot police and ask "Whatchu talkin' 'bout Willis?"

Rebel Alliance: Use the force to walkright past the storm troopers. Wiggle your fingers and say "You don't need to see our identification." The Ewok Block uses vines and traps to outwit the Empire. A gaggle of Yodas run amok, saying enigmatic phrases such as "hmm, secret is the text." Twenty Wookies can't be wrong.

Sun Bloc: Forget about protectingyourselves from pepper-spray and batons. Those UV rays can seriously damage your skin. We recommend at least SPF 15.

Donut Bloc: Please don't feed thecops. Donuts shall rain on the earth. Plain, sprinkled, jelly-filled, glazed, and frosted - for donut wrath hath no bias.

Anarchist Yachting Association:Row up the river in a fleet of rubber dingys. Open up a bottle of champaign and drink a toast before storming the beach.

Fuscia Bloc: Dressed in tights, andpink tutus, the Fuscia Bloc's role is to follow the Black Bloc and tease them mercilessly. A performance of Swan Lake in front of a row of riot cops entertains the crowd.

Nerf Bloc: While we at the Institutehate to support any particular brand, we must admit that the Nerf possibilities are endless. Let's face it, the revolution will have to be sponsored by someone. Play safe!

Lonely Planet

Complete Information Including:

  • Locations of McDonalds
  • Maps of Security Zones
  • Rankings of Squats
  • Favorite dumpster diving spots
Available at Better Bookstores near you

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