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Blocs for All
Protests have become increasingly
boring in recent years. Property
damage and violence which reads like a
tired script, not to mention the
monotonous chants, and cliches on
sticks.
For those who yawn every time they see
yet another Black Bloc, the
Deconstructionist Institute for Surreal
Topology presents this brief list of
alternatives, to help spark discussion
and inject a bit of creativity and
derisive laughter into the mix.
Medieval Bloc: Who wants to see abunch of punks ripping down a fence. If
the MAN is gonna turn the summit into
a fortress, the Medieval Bloc will lay
siege with gusto. Beautiful battering
rams, ladders, siege towers, Trojan
Donuts, catapults, and dead cows
infected with the plague. Swords,
shields, and funny hats with horns....
Just watch out for those cauldrons of
hot oil.
Circus Cluster: What's a Carnivalagainst Capitalism without clowns? A
tiny car drives up to the perimeter, and
stops. A bunch of clowns emerge -- one
for each world leader. The Amazing
Human Cannonball is fired into the
perimeter and miraculously lands,
unharmed. A bloc of stilt walkers step
gingerly over the wall, while the
fire-jugglers distract the riot troops.
Trampolines, tight ropes and unicycles
come in handy, and the Figbash Acrobat
works the high-top. Victory will go to
those with the biggest shoes.
Country Club Cluster: Throwingbottles and rocks over a fence? Ugh.
The Association of Anarchist Golfers are
very well dressed, in baggy pants, long
socks, and colourful shirts. Damn those
golf balls go far! The Bjorn Borg Bloc
play a bit of tennis, and the Badminton
Bloc hit their cocks to the crowds
delight. The Squash Bloc's protective
eye glasses are a handy item.
Bloc Parents: The Bloc Parents thinkit's great that their kids are trying to
change the world. Sure, they'll grow out
of it, but for now, all the power to them.
Bloc Parents can be found amongst the
Middle Aged Bloc (not to be confused
with the Medieval Bloc). They offer to
follow any group of younger, more agile
protesters over, under or through the
fence (you first!), confound the cops by
peering at them through bifocals, scold
misbehaving protesters, snap their knee
braces in a menacing (although
essentially non-violent) manner, and
pass around bottles of Ibuprofen.
Mascot Bloc: Ten people dressed up astheir favorite mascot. Thick fur
provides great protection. Traumatize
children with images of Mickey Mouse
getting truncheoned and kicked by riot
police.
Gary Coleman Bloc: Thirty tinyblack kids with afros continually
approach riot police and ask "Whatchu
talkin' 'bout Willis?"
Rebel Alliance: Use the force to walkright past the storm troopers. Wiggle
your fingers and say "You don't need to
see our identification." The Ewok Block
uses vines and traps to outwit the
Empire. A gaggle of Yodas run amok,
saying enigmatic phrases such as "hmm,
secret is the text." Twenty Wookies
can't be wrong.
Sun Bloc: Forget about protectingyourselves from pepper-spray and
batons. Those UV rays can seriously
damage your skin. We recommend at
least SPF 15.
Donut Bloc: Please don't feed thecops. Donuts shall rain on the earth.
Plain, sprinkled, jelly-filled, glazed, and
frosted - for donut wrath hath no bias.
Anarchist Yachting Association:Row up the river in a fleet of rubber
dingys. Open up a bottle of champaign
and drink a toast before storming the
beach.
Fuscia Bloc: Dressed in tights, andpink tutus, the Fuscia Bloc's role is to
follow the Black Bloc and tease them
mercilessly. A performance of Swan
Lake in front of a row of riot cops
entertains the crowd.
Nerf Bloc: While we at the Institutehate to support any particular brand, we
must admit that the Nerf possibilities
are endless. Let's face it, the revolution
will have to be sponsored by someone.
Play safe!
Complete Information Including:
- Locations of McDonalds
- Maps of Security Zones
- Rankings of Squats
- Favorite dumpster diving spots
Available at Better Bookstores near you
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